problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
