A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
