Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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