watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
