Yo dont text me then not text me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize