where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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