I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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