My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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