so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
