i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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