i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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