I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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