Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
