You smell like stripper and shame
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
