You can't motorboat a personality
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You took a bar mat shot.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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