he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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