last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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