If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
