so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
