i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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