so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Still dying that you shit outside
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
