Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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