I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
