and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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