if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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