hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
