the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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