I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
