They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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