Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
