i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
