1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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