Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
