Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
