i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
