what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
