they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
