I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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