I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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