Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I could fuck to npr.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
