I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
3 2 1 whiskey
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
