You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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