i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
