Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
