I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
