xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
