If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
