Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
