If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
