i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
