she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
