I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
