That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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