I want to walk on stilts...naked
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
