you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
