and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize