Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
