I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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