There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
