I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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