there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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