I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I will be naked everywhere
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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