I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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