I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
