New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
