Where is the hickey?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
