It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
