Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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