She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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