Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
