She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
