Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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