She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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