Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
