yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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