Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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