Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
