Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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