He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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