is wine microwaveable?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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