he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize