I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
