found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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