i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
