Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
