ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize